Books vs Real Life ?!

With all that fuzz around Christian Grey and Gideon Cross I wanted to explain some interesting terms which we mostly know.

Dominant…Submissive…Control…Power…Fatal Attraction…

What actually does it mean…” in real life”?

I can assure you that this is much deeper than just “sexual game” or “fantasy”.

 

Dominant;

(syn. predominant, preponderant, paramount, preeminent)

These adjectives mean surpassing all others in power, influence, or position. Dominant applies to what exercises principal control or authority or is unmistakably ascendant; having primary control, authority, or influence; governing; ruling.In psychology the dominant response is "the reaction elicited most quickly and easily by a given stimulus". Increased arousal "enhances an individuals tendency to perform the dominant response".

But what it really means for us? We want to put ourselves in first row but why? It’s generally believed that men strive for dominance and control mostly because of their higher testosterone levels. Also, most women have a very complex relationship with their desire to be dominant or submissive.

Do women experience “relational power” in knowing that they’re erotically cherished and adored—the object of a man’s strongest craving? And is this, finally, akin to Henry Kissinger’s immortal line: “Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac”?

What is making us to behave like that? Is it the prime feeling of men’s necessity to protect and woman’s need to be protected? That is deeper psychology and I’m not the expert in that field. But is this real or it’s just pure fun? We are not sure do we want enter to dark and dangerous place where are lot of doors open and where you once open the door you can’t come back easily…But when I observe world around me it’s all about the dominance and power…Don’t you think?

 So, it is not just a silly game we read about or fantasizing. It’s a strong feeling to know who you are and what you want…You have a power of your mind, your thoughts, your desires, all the things you do…How does that feel…to be dominant and have power? Take a deep breath and think about that.

 

Submissive

(syn. obedient, unassertive, humble, subordinate)

Inclined or willing to submit.

I’ve done some research and you can’t find “Dominant without submissive”. It’s like Yin and Yang. It is BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, and Sadomasochism)…Yet the practice is actually more cooperative and mutually gratifying than the term might imply. For in BDSM the submissive (or “sub”) willingly grants the dominant (or “dom”) power over them, and they do so out of trust and respect.

This transferring of control is commonly called “The Gift”—that is, it’s an arrangement—not coercive but consensual. And the “gift” itself is an agreed-upon”power exchange.”

We read lot of Dom/Sub books but what is the point all of that?!

The reader’s involvement in episodes of possibly brutal domination is essentially voluntary, volitional. So, in identifying with the heroine, the "spectator" not only can bask in the experience of being physically irresistible to the hero but—through simultaneously distancing herself from anything that might be too disturbing about the heroine’s deflowering—also maintain sufficient control over the situation.

The formulaic ending of the romantic adventure is that whereas the innocent, submissive heroine may earlier have been sexually deflowered by the alpha hero, now he’s emotionally deflowered by her. Her “Magic Hoo Hoo” has, after all, both tamed and conquered him, so at last he may become the strong, steady, safe and protective mate of the heroine's dreams.

So dominance and submission is a set of behaviors, customs and rituals involving the giving by one individual to another individual of control over them in an erotic episode or as a lifestyle.

 

Control and Power

“People instinctively prefer high to low power positions” is conclusion of Psychology Association. They think that person with narcissistic or borderline personality disorder (BPD) is hungry for power and control. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental illness characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior. So you can agree with me that too much control and desire for power is not good for mental health.

Here is small insight of controlling person/relationship with controlling person;

• Healthy:         You see family and friends when you please
• Unhealthy:     Your partner tries to dictate who you see and when

 

• Healthy:          Your partner wants to create win-win situations
• Unhealthy:      Your partner tries to be the winner and make you the loser

 

• Healthy:          You make your own decisions with input from your partner
• Unhealthy:      You feel like you need your partner's permission

• Healthy:            It's OK to disagree and have your own opinions
• Unhealthy:        Your partner expects her preferences to be yours

• Healthy:             You each take care of yourselves with support from your partner
• Unhealthy:         When you take care of yourself, your partner calls you selfish…etc.

This is not near the amazingly beautiful and adrenalin filled veins relationship with Mr.Grey or Mr.Cross.. This is different and not healthy for self-esteem…not healthy for you…I would say: “RUN…RUN !!!”

As you may know, people with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders have very specific child-like needs they may not even understand and it takes quite a bit of manipulation to maintain the right environment. People with BPD need to regulate their emotions and keep you at the proper distance: not too close, not too far away. They must protect themselves from abandonment and being alone.

Fatal Attraction

Fatal attraction between an individual and someone/something that is so strong, the individual lacks reason and logic in their thinking when dealing with their attraction. The subject is often someone/something that will have a negative impact on the individual but not necessarily. It’s connected with stalking or other behavioral disorders but actually that remind us on attraction which make our eyes shine…feel blushing and adrenalin rush through body…bit a lip…to smile…to flirt…to feel knocked over by “that” special person. Fantasy or real it makes us happy.

I hope that this all psychology stuff didn’t scare you off. I wanted to clear up some terms which are too easily understood and used. Love is a beautiful thing and you should enjoy it (whatever age you are) but I just wanted to add that even love has own limits.

You should never lose you integrity over someone else.

You should never lose yourself because You are “The One” that’s important.

I wish you happiness and lot of smiles;

Take care :)

Ammi