Sunday, February 23, 2014

Why do men heal their complexes over women?



I’m sitting in front of the laptop and staring into the screen wondering what will I write for this blog! I’m feeling like I’m stuck in some kind of movie; writing sentences and deleting them because they’re not good enough.

Good enough! Right! Yesterday I was watching TV show where they were talking about complexes. Why do men heal their complexes over woman? Is it abuse or they’re just hiding behind it?

We always think that women are those with complexes but that is not true. Some man can be jealous because she’s successful or pretty or very capable. He would rather say; You had luck with job or You’ve gotten it because you flirted; why did you wear that skirt it looks terrible on you; you can’t live without me etc... I could go on, it’s a long list there.

Yesterday I heard woman saying that her boyfriend told her; "You look hot but you have cellulite on your butt." 

Common! Really! 
What happened to romance and kindness?!

When you look from one side it sounds cute he’s jealous but from the other side it’s mean. Small things hurt our feelings. I know sometimes words hurt more than anything else. 

I was wondering what is main problem here? Is it because women are more independent and stronger than they were before? Is it because of changing roles? 

It is really hard to say or explain. The only thing I know is that you/we have to run away from those types of man. Those complexes can start to be more like psychological abuse instead of showing insecurities. 

That is much more psychological problem that I rather wouldn’t write about now. I wanted to mention complexes because it sounded interesting and because it is some kind of rivalry between women and men. Why are we always in second plan? 

Okay, I won’t get long this blog post. I just wanted to say that you are beautiful the way you are. We all are unique in some way. We are made piece by piece like God’s art. 

You should be happy because there’s no person like you in this world!

You worth! You are unique! You are beautiful!

Take care,
Ammi



Saturday, February 15, 2014

Anxiety



 Today’s post is about something that we all have experienced…Anxiety!

Anxiety is an unpleasant state of inner turmoil, often accompanied by nervous behavior, such as pacing back and forth, somatic complaints and rumination. It is the subjectively unpleasant feelings of dread over something unlikely to happen, such as the feeling of imminent death. Anxiety is not the same as fear, which is felt about something realistically intimidating or dangerous and is an appropriate response to a perceived threat; anxiety is a feeling of fear, worry, and uneasiness, usually generalized and unfocused as an overreaction to a situation that is only subjectively seen as menacing. It is often accompanied by restlessness, fatigue, problems in concentration, and muscular tension. Anxiety is not considered to be a normal reaction to a perceived stressor although many feel it occasionally. 


Okay, that was definition but what does it mean to me/us ? I know that some of you feel that you are alone in the battle against the anxiety. First of all, you have to be aware that YOU ARE NOT ALONE and YOU ARE HEALTHY, NOTHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOU. THAT IS JUST STUPID ANXIETY. You don’t need to be afraid of anything. Believe me I’ve been there. 


My understanding of anxiety is that; Yes, some people seem more susceptible than others but that the key trigger tends to be exhaustion. By exhaustion I mean mental, physical, or emotional exhaustion. For some it may be exhaustion caused by a hectic life and never taking time to release the stress. People like that often do not notice their stress levels are so high until they get blindsided by a spontaneous panic attack. For others it may be an emotional exhaustion caused by the loss of a loved one or the breakup of a long term relationship. If the anxiety is caused by a traumatic life event it is interesting to note that the person frequently does not experience the anxiety until the event has passed.


As med student I was under constant stress. I don’t want to mention the pressure I put myself on. It was great, I felt good till one specific moment. My trigger for anxiety was pill (after a long period of emotional exhaustion which I didn't want to admit). 
I had a toothache and doc gave me antibiotics. Those pills were enormous (I haven’t seen bigger). One night when I took the pill, it had stuck into my throat. It was terrifying experience. I thought "OK, this is it !". Am I going to die like this? Oh God help me!” 

My mind was on fire. Do I need to call ambulance or not? Is this the panic attack or just anaphylactic shock? What…what…what?! Even for a thought that I might die I started to breathe heavily, my pulse was through the roof, I could hear my heart in my ears. I wanted to get up from the bed but I felt dizzy. Yeah I was panicking because I didn’t know what to do or what will happen? I woke up my parents and they stayed up all night with me. Guess what?! Nothing happened. I survived! 


It was just the trigger for my over stressed body. You must be asking what did you do or how did you get rid of that terrible feeling? 
Well it was a process. For some it takes month, for some year but I recommend not to hurry the process. Take it slow. Baby steps!

You have to understand that is not disease, it’s not that you are going mental. Anxiety is just the reaction of your body to stress. Organism is confused so he sends lot of mixed signals. Don’t worry that is something that you can overcome. For me it was like I was doing things for the first time. First time alone at home, first time at colleague, first time out with my friends, and "first time" for lot of regular things in my life. 

I’m not going to lie and say I got it on my own. I had luck to read a book “Panic Away” from Barry Joe McDonagh. And after reading it I realized; It’s just my body trying to trick me by defending itself. I’ve done some blood work and checkups. Everything was fine. That was the proof I needed. I’m fine and now I can move on. I started to do things which relaxed me like reading novels, watching Tv shows, working out in gym etc. It was difficult first month, sometime I felt like I’m going to faint or throw up. My body was shaking but I stayed. I didn't run away when I was feeling bad. And those small victories helped me survive.
The only thing which always pushed to surface was thought that; "I’m healthy, I’m good. It’s just stupid anxiety. I won’t let her beat me!" I courage myself. I know it’s hard but you have to push yourself. You don’t want that this stunt your life forever.  

Sometimes you’ll feel terrible but when you don’t give up or runaway from it you’ll feel victory and while time passes you won’t remember anything. Some use counting till 21 or 30 but that made me more nervous. The best tactic for me was distraction. I wrote (a lot). You can find your own distraction…just do something and stop thinking that you are going to faint or have heart attack because YOU WON’T!!! 

First of all in order that you move on forward from anxiety you need to throw yourself 100% into life. What is needed is to engage regularly in an activity that stimulates you, and holds your complete attention, something in which you can become completely absorbed. As I've said before; Something that distracts you is a very valuable tool in taking your attention away from the uncomfortable sensation of anxiety that may be lingering in your body. You see almost everyone with anxiety finds themselves getting a bit obsessed about how they feel at any given moment.  The less preoccupied the person is, the more time there is to obsess over anxious sensations.
 
I am sure you have noticed that when you are doing something you enjoy or that really holds your attention, the less you 'check in' to measure your anxiety level.
Quite simply, the more you engage with life the less stagnant and anxious you will feel. Some of the possible activities that interest you could be:
Gardening, playing a musical instrument, sport, or simply having a good conversation with a friend. The idea here is to find something that you can repeat on a regular basis that you enjoy doing or that at very least holds your attention.


You will have normal life without thinking what if it happens here..now...or...when I’m out... or when I have important presentation; what am I going to do?! Don’t be afraid?
You feel like you’re going to faint…so what…faint and then GET UP!!! Simple!

When you begin on your healing journey, it's all new and it can feel like moving into unknown territory. You quickly master areas of your life that were causing you problems.  As you move upward and onward, your protective side gets scared and tries to put on the brakes. This creates a conflict and fuels feelings of anxiety. The feelings can be very intense and might be similar to what you've experienced before-such as panic and general unease-or there may be new sensations never experienced before. 

These thoughts undermine your confidence. Suddenly you're feeling vulnerable again, and the anxiety can return as your confidence dips and you obsess again about the way you feel. This kind of response is natural in recovery, and if you've experienced a setback recently. The first thing to remember is that setbacks happen. Try to never let a setback convince you that you're not making progress. It doesn't mean that all your progress has been undone. In general, setbacks are inevitable, and you need to have an accepting attitude toward them. Secondly, setbacks form part of your healing. To move beyond the anxiety, you need to work with the protective side of your personality and teach it that there really is nothing to fear. When setbacks occur, it's an indication that you now need to take your new understanding and work with your protective side, which is resisting the change. 


Build a wealth of memories, and they'll be your resource from which to draw strength. Write them down, because that solidifies them and makes them more real in your mind. Read them to yourself regularly. Be sure to keep a diary as written proof of the progress you're making-the trips you take that weren't possible before, the special days when you completely forgot you ever had an anxiety problem. You need to keep a record of these achievements because it's easy for your protective side to negate the great strides you've made.

Confidence, just like fear, is contagious. Soon you'll find it spreading to all areas of your life, giving you a quality of life even beyond your pre-anxiety days. Always try to focus on the success you've achieved and it will grow and expand in your life.


Recovery is not a straight linear process. It will help if you try not to measure success on a day-to-day basis. Some days will be better than others-that's just the way it is, so don't get upset if you complete something successfully one day but fail the next.

 Keep your eyes on the end goal, and persistence will carry you there.


Always have this on your mind : Your organism is built to fight and anxiety is just product of fighting your organism over stress. I know we live in times where everything goes fast but I don’t agree that we all can’t have time for ourselves.

MAKE TIME! You need to feed your organism with positive things and get rid of stress. Just do a thing that makes you happy and satisfied! 

Anxiety is nothing that you can’t overcome. This is a challenge in higher level. Can you believe how strong you are when you manage to respond properly on stress?! 
When you overtime learn how to act in stressful situations you will be a true winner. Your organism is going to defend itself better and you are going to be stronger then you were. You don’t need pills or other stuff your body is capable to fight and survive.
 

I’ll write a few tips from the book that will probably help you:
 
-          -Meditation (sometimes called Mindfulness) is really
becoming a very popular way of treating stress and
depression and peer reviewed studies are confirming
that this approach works very well.

-         -You feel fear DO IT ANYWAY!
-         What you need to know is that you can really grow stronger as a result of this difficult experience.
 
    -When it comes to long-term recovery that is where
your heart plays a vital role. Feel the positive energy surrounding you.

-        - The repetitive anxious thought can last minutes,
hours , days depending on how  upset you become
by the thought. 

I want to share with you a quick technique to jump out
of this anxious groove. This technique will helping you to understand your body.
    Here it is: 
1, Observe
2, Trust
3, Move On
-        
 Trust that what you are worrying about will in all probability never come about. Almost all the anxious thoughts we have are a complete waste of our energy. 
Trust that things will work out fine!

I'm really hoping that this post will open your eyes and help you to look on anxiety differently. I hope this will be fresh start for you and that you can move on with your life and experience lot of beautiful things :)

Take care,
Ammi